I opened my eyes and felt a kick to my head, but there was nobody around. I was in the middle of a desert - nothing but sand and sun and scorching heat. The kick was from last night - or at least I hope it was last night. Who knows how long I’ve been here? Maybe more than a day. They really gave it to me good. Unnecessarily overboard, in my opinion, especially with the whole thing about leaving me in a desert to die a slow and horrible death, but good. Nonetheless, I couldn’t have been here much more than a day.
In this heat, I’d be dead if I had been here much more than that. But I will be dead soon if I don’t get some goddamn water. Jesus Christ, I’m so fucking thirsty. Sand must have been blowing into my nose and throat for hours, soaking up every last bit of water in my body. And now I feel like the inside of my body is just a bunch of sandpaper sheets grinding against each other. If I could get some water, I’d be okay. But there the fuck am I gonna get any water out here in the desert?
The sun is so bright, everywhere I turn my head it’s like I’m staring into one of those stage spotlights. I can’t really see more than a few feet in front of me because of the brightness. But I think I can make out some telephone wires down that way. That means there’s gotta be a road down there. And if there’s a road, then there would be cars. Surely, somebody would help me. I’d help somebody in my situation. Sure, I would. I think I would. I’m not a bad guy. I just made a lot of mistakes, especially the other night. If only I listened to Martha.
I stand up. My legs feel like they’re only there in spirit, like they wanted to be there but had other engagements, and instead sent gravity in its place, which decided to throw me back down to the ground, throwing more sand in my face, more sand in my mouth and nostrils, my body starting to get kinda used to the little specks now. I think about not getting up, just suffocating myself in the sand, but it’s too damn hot and I lift my face up. God dammit, why didn’t I listen to Martha when she said to let it go, leave them alone. I never learned how to let things go. Once something or someone gets under my skin, it’s like it overtakes my brain and I can’t do anything else until I handle it. Fuck, I need some motherfucking water.
I can’t stand, but I can crawl, dammit. I gotta crawl toward that road, if it is a road. It better be a goddamn road.
I’m getting closer now. I’m making progress. Things are always easier when you know where you’re going and why. I used to be a man going somewhere big, going to do big things, But I just couldn’t get past all those little things that popped up. Other people could. Other people went through the same things I did. But they got past them. They never made all the irrational decisions I made that led me to here, in the middle of a fucking desert, dying of thirst, wanting nothing more than a glass of water.
Funny how that works out. I had all these dreams. I used to want so much. And now, I’d settle for a dirty puddle of water. I’d drink it right off the goddamn ground, I really would. Just something wet. Anything wet.
I’m getting closer to the road now. I can see it’s a road - unless I’m hallucinating. What do you call it when you see things in a desert? A mirage? Could be a mirage up there. But what choice do I have? Maybe I never had a choice. Maybe everything was meant to be like this and I only thought I had choices. Maybe every decision I made was the right one because that was the one I was supposed to make. Maybe not listening to Martha was the correct decision. Maybe not letting that guy off the hook was the right thing to do. Maybe getting beaten nearly to death and left for dead in the desert was the best thing I’ve ever done. That’s right, because once I get that water, and once I get back there, it’s gonna be hell on earth for every motherfucker involved. There ain’t no such thing as karma. There is only destiny, and when destiny hits, she hits forever. And I’m coming. I’m coming hard. Me and destiny are gonna be a hurricane of pain, destroying everybody who ever even thought of messing with me. It has been written and it will be done. I just need some water.
I’m at the road now. Somebody’s gotta drive by eventually. I manage to sit up, just barely, but I’m up. Anybody driving by will see me, see I’m a man in desperate need, and help me. Whoever does, it’s gonna be their luckiest goddamn day because I’m gonna reward them better than the Price is Right, baby, that’s right. They’re gonna love the day they saved me, make it their new birthday and everything. Maybe it’s a new birthday for the both of us. I like the sound of that. Romantic and whatnot. Two born again people starting afresh, reinvigorated and rehabilitated like Carlito’s Way. Because I know I will be when I get out of this. A new man with a new outlook: Destiny is God, and everything I do, including what I do to you, is written in the stars, inscribed in the DNA of the whole fucking universe.
And here comes a car now. Looks like a nice one. They definitely have water, good water, too. Maybe some of that Evian. That good French shit. I can taste it now. So fresh, so pure. I can already feel the water flowing through my body, replenishing every dried out crevice, making me strong again, powerful again, me again.
The car stops. A beautiful, clean, all white BMW, just like the one I have. Now, this is a person with class. Maybe I won’t need to reward whoever it is, save me a little money. But then the window rolls down and I now know I’ve fucking lost it. This can’t be real. It’s not happening. Is it? It’s me. I’m in the driver seat. It’s me looking at me. I’m looking at me. He, me, smiles at me, laughs at me. And now throws something at me, right at my head, and then takes off, a cloud of dirt and sand flying off the wheels and into my face. I look down, and see he, me, threw a water bottle at me. Evian, as a matter of fact. I pick it up. It’s empty. Not a drop in it.
I lie down and put the empty bottle to my lips. The plastic brushing against my dried lips makes a scratching sound as Destiny laughs at me, drinking water and not giving me a fucking drop.
I Just Need a Damn Glass of Water